Animal Encounters

I was down at my local park
When I see this drunken aardvark
Laying on his back
As tanked as a yak
Rolling around in the bark

He goes “Oi! Do you wanna drink?!”
Raising his glass with a wink
I said “Whatta you got?”
He goes “Pure gut rot
everythin' in it but the kitchen sink!”

So I go “Yeah alright cool”
'Cos I like me some rocket fuel
But It sent me to a vortex
Fucked my frontal cortex
And that’s how I came to be such a fool

Last Tuesday 'round about noon
I saw a baboon havin’ a hoon
Pedal to the floor
In his V8 Commodore
Acting like a fuckin’ loon

Doin’ doughies out the front of macca's
And setting off dodge firecrackers
He went “Toot-Toot!”
When he saw two cute
Blonde, big-titted backpackers

The chicks jumped in his ride
I got in the front passenger side
Then we took 'em to the lake
Gave 'em both the snake
And smoked shard 'til our brains were fried

I met this purple caterpillar
Who was an old-school OG chiller
Sittin' on a huge shroom
Suckin' down the dank fumes
Of the kush that they call vanilla

He said “Hey man, you wanna toke
of this psycholicious smoke?”
So I hopped up there
Without a fuckin' care
'Cos he seemed like a cool enough bloke

I took a rip from his hookah billy
Which made me light headed and silly
But things really got weird
When he ruffled my beard
And tried to make me touch his willy!

I was walking down through the boondocks
When I spot over yonder, a fox
But he saw me comin’
So he started runnin’
And hid in an old cardboard box

I went over and said “Oi dude
You hungry 'cos I've got some food?”
He goes “whatta ya got?”
I go “pies, and they're hot
And some snags that've been barbecued

He goes “Cheers a lot for the tucker
You're a real chill mother fucker"
Then he got me a hooker
Who wasn't much of a looker
But she sure was a sick cock sucker!

It was down in Santo Domingo
Where I met this chick flamingo
She was soakin' up the rays
with legs for weeks n’ days
A bona fide hot-pink bimbo

I layed down next to her on the sand
N’ said "Hey baby, I’m in a band"
She said “What to you play?”
I said “The ukelaylay”
But my pun, she didn’t quite understand

I said “I’m rock n' roll Aussie backpacker”
She said “right, so you're a lame slacker”
So long story short
We went to my resort
Where I porked her right in the clacker!