Capital City Limericks

There once was a young lad from Melbourne
Who had a market stall where he'd sell porn
But when his mother found out
She gave him a clout
Which sent a stack of VHS tapes airborne

When he was picking them up from the ground
He looked at one and guess what he found
A bestiality tape
Staring his mum with an ape
A gazelle and an Irish wolfhound

Their once was a young lady from Perth
Who had an enormous waist girth
Her gut was so portly
Her own mother thought she
Was soon about to give birth

She said “Mum I’m not preggers you dork
I'm just fond of my knife and fork
And besides that you crone
You weigh nineteen stone
So who the fuck are you to talk!"

There was an old dame from Sydney
Who made a pie of steak and kidney
She fed it to her man
Straight out of the pan
But he didn't know nothin' didn't he

For her old hubby was not wise
To what his missus put in her pies
And he couldn't see
'Twas his own kidney
'Cos she'd also baked in both his eyes

There once was a copper from Brizzy
Who’d carbonate his piss to make it fizzy
Then serve it at the station
To his mates for hydration
They dubbed the drink “blue-line whizzy”

But one day something was amiss
There was an odd aroma to the piss
And all the cops had a hunch
What their mate had for lunch
Must have contained asparagus

There once was a priest from Adelaide
Who wished that he had a milk maid
Who’d kneel in the pulpit
While he preached his bullshit
And rub his dick with marmalade

So he asked the pope if he was allowed
Pope said "It would make me proud
To know a holy man
Was having citrus jam
Spread on his cock while sermonisin' the crowd"

There once was a fella from Hobart
Who wasn't too bad with a blow dart
He put one in his straw
Blew it at a whore
Which caused her to do a huge ho fart

She yelled “Oi! Why’d you shoot that at me!”
As she started getting real dizzy
Then she fell to the street
So he whipped out his meat
And did his best impression of Bill Cosby

There once was a bloke from Darwin
Who was out in the bay catchin' marlin
When he pulled up a bite
He got a huge fright
'Cos on the end of the line was Steve Martin

Steve was clearly upset
He cried “How fuckin’ stupid can ya get!
I’m trying to spear fish
You stupid dumb bitch
Imma teach you a lesson you won't forget!"

Then Steve came aboard the guys boat
And jumped around like a wild mountain goat
He smashed a hole in the hull
With the guys balding skull
And yelled “Now lets see ya try n’ float!”

There once was a lass from Canberra
Who was attacked one night by a chimera
So She took off her bra
And laughed "Aha ha ha!"
To show the beast it didn't scare her

Then she picked up a stone from the ground
Stuck it in her bra and swung it around
And just like a sling
She flug it at the thing
Getting it right in the pussy mound!