Collective Reasoning

(or How Animals got their Collective Names)

Sharks are a shiver 'cos they’ll give you the chills
Crows are a murder 'cos they make a lot of kills

Lions are a pride 'cos they've let it go to their head
Jellyfish are a smack 'cos they'll leave your arse bright red

Cobras are a quiver 'cos they’re straight as arrows
Foxes are a charm 'cos they’re delightful fellows

Crocs are a bask 'cos in the sunshine they be hangin’
Elk are a gang 'cos they always be bangin’

Ferrets are a business 'cos they’re all about the money
Geese are a gaggle 'cos they think everythin’ is funny

Swans are a bevy 'cos they’re always in the drink
Fish are a school 'cos their oils help you think

Frogs are an army 'cos they like to dress in camo
Gorillas are a band 'cos they play drums, bass and piano

Hyenas are a cackle 'cos they love to laugh
Skunks are a stench 'cos they need a bath

Goats are a trip 'cos they’re always stumbling on things
Swans are a wedge 'cos they like to wear g-strings

Apes are a shrewdness 'cos they'll make you look a fool
Bees are-a swarm 'cos they’re not-a s’cool

Kangaroos are a mob 'cos they have been made
Jaguars are a shadow 'cos they throw that shade

Lemurs are a conspiracy 'cos they’re all flat earth
Moles are a labour 'cos they’ve be giving birth

Leopards are a leap 'cos they're always jumpin’
Camels are a caravan 'cos there's a lot of humpin’

Hippos are a bloat 'cos they’ve got high cholesterol
Monkeys are a barrel 'cos that is how they roll

Otters are a family 'cos they hate each other guts
Porcupines are a prickle 'cos they’ll do that to your butts

Oxen are a team 'cos they aint’ got no ‘I’
Owls are a parliament 'cos they fly lie-lie-lie-lie

Parrots are a pandemonium 'cos they kick up a ruckus
Ravens are an unkindness 'cos they try to fuck us

Elephants are a parade 'cos they make you make a clearing
Rabbits are a herd 'cos they have such good hearing

Bears are a sloth 'cos they laze about all day
Bats are a camp 'cos they act so gay

Rhinos are a crash 'cos they always make that sound
Turtles are a bale 'cos they do not hang around

Falcons are a cast 'cos they're moulded from tin
Puppies are a litter 'cos you dump ‘em in the bin*

Wolves are a pack 'cos they're always on your back
Rabbits are a berry 'cos they make a tasty snack

Donkeys are a drove 'cos they were once a drive
Kittens are a kindle as seen on Amazon live™

Pigs are a drift 'cos they’re lost at sea
Tigers are a streak, a streak of yellow wee

Snakes are a nest 'cos they look like a bunch of sticks
Cats are a glaring 'cos they act total dicks

Stingrays are a fever 'cos they’re so adrenal
Rats are a colony 'cos they are so penal

Toads are a knot 'cos they will negate
Giraffes are a tower 'cos they're on the lookout mate!

Buffalo are an obstinacy 'cos they’re stubborn fucks
Dogs are a pound which is around two bucks

Flamingos are a stand 'cos they do not move
Turkeys are a rafter 'cos they raise the roof

Zebras are a zeal 'cos they're so enthusiastic
Squirrels are a scurry 'cos they behave so spastic