There once was...8

There once was a girl named Patty
Whose appearance was haggard n’ ratty
She would use glad wrap
To hold in the flab
On her gut, 'cos she was a big fatty

One night out at the club
She was dancing with some scrub
But when he touched her waist
It burst in his face
And he drowned in the sea of blub

There once was a dude named Brock
Who had a thin yet lengthy cock
He could crack it like a whip
Or use it to skip
Or even to pick a deadlock

But ‘cos it was thin as a pin
No ladies would sleep with him
So he injected it with lard
Which made it thick n' hard
That’s when the frenzy did begin

Women flocked from all over the state
So that they could get a hot date
With the guy with a dick
The size of Moby Dick
With the sole intent to copulate

Brock made each and every one
Wail out loud (excuse the pun)
He laid so many girls
That now half the new world
Is his distant grand daughter or son

There once was a con-man named Benny
Who was as crooked as a wooden penny
He said that he had
A sweet penthouse pad
And was once nominated for an Emmy™

In town he was a big hit
‘Til it was revealed he was full of shit
He didn’t have a private jet
He was struggling with debt
And he wasn’t best mates with Brad Pitt

All the people felt really dumb
To’ve been hoodwinked by this bum
They bought all his lines
And never saw the signs
Like the stains on his clothes made by cum

There once was a sports fan named Dwayne
Who thought ‘twas his job to explain
All of the game's rules
To his mates, like fools
The arse region, is where he was a pain

So one night before a big bout
His mates told him they were going out
To a sports bar called Gene’s
To watch it on the big screens
And drink cold pints of draught stout

So he waited in the wet out the front
‘Til he got their text message affront
It said “Fuck you Dwayne!
Hope you like the rain!
Don’t call us again you dumb cunt!"