Down here in Australia

Down here in Australia
there's heaps of Poisonous snakes

That hang out in the undergrowth
especially around lakes

You gotta make sure you stomp real hard
so that they get scared off

‘Cos if you surprise ‘em mate
that’s when they get pissed off

So If you go bush walking down under
be careful ‘round long grass

‘Cos a Death adder might just jump out
and bite you on the arse




Down here in Australia
There’s heaps of Jellyfish

They're not actually fish though
You won't find 'em in a seafood dish

Instead you see 'em swimming ‘round
in the sea so blue

Waiting in the coastal water
to sting the shit out of you

If you ever touch a box jelly
Screaming is strongly advised

‘Cos in 30 seconds flat
You’ll be be fully paralysed




Down here in Australia
There’s heaps of Venomous spiders

That creep all over everything
They are the world's best hiders

They somehow get inside your house
and lay eggs everywhere

When you go to bed at night
they spin webs in your hair

A deadly bite has the Red back
Massive size has the Huntsman

And beware of the Trapdoor spider
It’ll drag you down into its dungeon




Down here in Australia
There’s heaps of Crocodilians

Who have taken over the waterways
There's literally hundreds of millions

It used to be only in the North
But now the whole place has croc attacks

A guy even got killed in a Burger King
or as we call it ‘Hungry Jacks’

Now If you dream of coming here on holiday
I really don't want spoil it

But they’ve been known to come up ya sewer pipe
and snap ya when you’re on the toilet




Down here in Australia
There's heaps of red, wild dogs

That are known as Dingos
they won't tell ya this in ya travelogues

These bastards are the real deal
They don't do no pretendin’

They’ll run up to you from behind
and bite your achilles tendon

You really gotta watch out for 'em
especially if you’re a mum lady

‘Cos in the dark of night they’ll come
And kidnap your young baby




Down here in Australia
There is the rare Drop bear

So if you’re camping in the outback
Watch your arse out there

They’re related to the koala
but much bigger and fatter

They’re attracted to the smell of campfires
and the sound of peoples chatter

They hide up in tree branches
Then drop down on you

Backpackers are crushed every year
When they leave their group for a poo




Down here in Australia
We have a species called the Bogan

It drinks VB, drives a V8 ute
and likes to quote Paul Hogan

It styles its hair into a mullet
and smokes Winfield Blues

It’s often found in a flannel shirt
That shows off tribal tattoos

The Bogan’s found all over the country
in every city and state

You’ll know it by its territorial call:
“What the fuck you lookin’ at mate!”




So If you come down to Australia
Just keep your wits about you

‘Cos everything I told you here
Is completely true

Don’t act like a fuck wit
If you go off the beaten trail

And don't piss off the critters
because then they’ll

Bite, sting, squash and bash you
Like a dinner, you'll be done

So with all of that in mind folks
Enjoy Australia and have fun!