Fucked Fairytales

As the prince approached the tower
there was magic in the air
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel
Throw down your golden hair!”
And as she did the prince then said
“Ah, actually….never mind.”
For the rope of hair Rapunzel dropped
was of the pubic kind!

When the three bears got home
they saw their missing food
“Who would do this to us” they roared
Who would dare intrude!”
They ran up stairs only to find
Goldilocks in their beds
Who pulled out a sawn-off shotgun
And blew off their fuckin’ heads!

Little Red Riding Hood
was skipping down the forest trail
When the Big Bad Wolf sidled up to her
waving his bushy tail
“Hey there Mr. Wolf” she said
let's fuck, whatta ya say”
“Oh, ah sorry” said the Big Bad Wolf
“I’m actually a gay!”

When the little lad named Hansel
saw the gingerbread house
He ran straight over to it
and started nibbling like a mouse
His sister Gretel joined in too
But soon all was not fine
When they noticed on the cottage wall
an asbestos hazard sign!

Jack planted the magic beans
and a massive beanstalk grew
So he started climbing up the trunk
to see where it went too
At the top he heard a loud voice say
“You must be my next client”
Then the white clouds parted to reveal
A big, fat hooker giant!