As the Ugly Duckling swam around
the others yelled out “FREAK!”
"Look at his horrid neck" They laughed
"Look at his stupid beak"
But as time went by that ugly duckling
grew into a big swan
Who beat the shit out of those ducks
With his superior brawn
When the Little Billy Goat Gruff
went out for a stroll
Out from under a foot bridge
jumped an angry troll
"This is my bridge you little shit
you're not allowed to cross!"
So the little goat got out a hammer
and nailed the troll to a cross
The Three Little Pigs ran and hid
inside the house of bricks
“You'll never get us in here wolf!
so you can suck our dicks!"
So the Big Bad Wolf blew on the house
which caused it to start shakin'
And when it fell down he caught the pigs
and turned 'em into bacon
'cos she was kidnapped by a toad
Who kept her as a prisoner
in his slimy abode
But she escaped with a fairy prince
Who’s heart was brave yet tender
But their marriage didn't last because
he turned out to be a bender
When the shoemaker woke up in the morning
he couldn't believe his eyes.
There were pairs of boots and shoes made
in every style and size.
When he checked the CCTV
he saw that it was elves
Who had crafted all the footwear
that was sitting on his shelves
So the next night when they came back
he caught them in a cage
And forced them to work in his sweatshop
without paying them a wage
When the Emperor rolled down the street
To show off his new threads
He was swiftly arrested
by two undercover feds
"What’s the meaning of this!!"
The Emperor did yell
"Just for this you both shall rot
in a dungeon cell!"
Cop said "Sir, you're being arrested
for exposing yourself to a minor."
"And being in a public place
with an unkempt mangina."