Hooray For Equality

I was in my own backyard
Gazing up at the blue sky
Just smoked a pipe of shard
So I was really fuckin’ high

Sipping a glass of red wine
Laying on a deck chair
Not wanting a tan line
I took off my underwear

Then barging through the side gate
Comes a cop with a drawn gun
“Why you naked mate!!!
Why donchu have clothes on?”

“Hey mate c'mon chill
I'm just getting a few rays
Is this a fuckin’ drill?
Didn’t think you worked Sundays”

Cop said “The neighbour next door
Telephoned the police
And complained that you're
Disturbing the peace"

"Not to get all legal
But it's now against the law
To lay around spread eagle
In your backyard in the raw"

So he took me to the station
Stuck me in a barred enclosure
And much to my frustration
Charged me with indecent exposure

When I turned up to court
I was really bloody nervous
The judge said “Okay Sport
Ninety hours community service"

They had me on the roadside
Picking up discarded litter
I almost broke down and cried
When they said there was no shitter

I had to go behind a truck
If I wanted a wee or poo
Which is embarrassing as fuck
With a guard eyeballing you

So after it was through
I went back to my old home
And poured myself a brew
With a nice head of white foam

I'm sitting on my balcony
Enjoying my pint of ale
And what the hell do I see
But a bare naked female

It was the very neighbour
Who called the cops on me
“I might just return the favour”
I said to myself with glee

So I got out my mobile
And reported the nude cunt
Then before an outback while
The Jacks were out the front

I was calmly kickin’ back
Thinking “This is gonna be grouse”
When allofasudden there's a pack
Of armed cops in my house

For accidentally observing
This woman without clothes on
I got arrested for perving
And being a peeping tom

It seems to be true these days
That if you have a dong
There are just so many ways
You can be found in the wrong!