I like my cat

I like my cat
a great deal
He livens up my place

But if I died
his next meal
Would be my fuckin' face

He would eat
off my left cheek
Not caring that I'd carked it

Then turn 'round
and take a leak
Right on my nice carpet

So I tried
to train my cat
Instead to be my hero

But his paws
were just too fat
To dial triple zero

So I got
him a treadmill
In order to trim down

But he just
laid on it still
And gave me a sad frown

I Just hope
I do not kick
The bucket 'round my cat

'Cos I know
that little prick
Will chow me down like that

He pretends
to be my mate
He acts like he's legit

But If I
did meet my fate
I'd soon be cat shit!