Plumpety Cumpety Dumpety Doo

Plumpety cumpety dumpety doo
There’s an aching in my head
I had a big night out with my crew
Now there’s a fat girl in my bed

I don't remember meeting her
or how we got back here
Last night is just one big blur
drenched in cheap local beer

Plumpety cumpety dumpety dum
Oh man, I’m so hung over
Last night she was an 8 but now she’s a 1
Please Lord, don't let her roll over

I see a used condom on the ground
Oh no, that means we rooted
My self image of being the big pimp in town
has now been executed

Plumpety cumpety dumpety dee
When she wakes up I’ll play it cool
I’ll offer her a cup of coffee or tea
and a bath in my swimming pool

I’ll sensually soap up the female
and chuck on some Def Leppard
Hopefully the neighbours don't think she’s a whale
and call up the Sea Sheppard

Plumpety cumpety dumpety der
I’ll throw in the petals of a rose
and jump into the bubbles with her
as the water overflows

I’ll dive under and go down on her
(I know a thing or two about scuba)
Then after she’s cum, I’ll dry her off
and send her away in an Uber