Slow Cunt

I was walking down main street
at the end of a long hard day
I had to get to the bank before it closed
but there was a slow cunt in my way

He was taking up the width of the footpath
with his head in the fuckin clouds
White ear buds in his fuckin ears
oblivious to all who’s around

I go “Oi slow cunt, move your arse
some of us have places to be!"
He turned around as slow as a retarded snail
and this is what he said to me;

“This footpath is for everyone
you should just go around”
while he chowed down on a family size pie.
gut hanging down to the ground

I said “I would love to go around you
you disgusting gelatinous freak
but if I started hiking right now
I wouldn't get back 'till late next week"

“Not my problem” The slow cunt croaked,
tomato sauce all over his face
“It's my human right to walk where I want
at my personal chosen pace”

“Is that so” I said to the slow cunt
(His shirt was stained with gravy and meat)
Right then is when I heard a garbage truck
coming down main street

I grabbed an eight metre extension cord
that was out the front of a variety shop
and tied one end ‘round the slow cunts neck
he yelled “Ahh! What are you doin'? Stop!”

I made the other end into a giant loop
and swung it over my head laughing "Ha ha ha!"
Then as the garbage truck went by
I lassoed it around its tow bar

A look of horror came upon his plodding face
as I slapped him square on the arse
Then the truck took off down the fuckin' road
You've never seen a slow cunt move so fast