There once was...

There once was an old dame named Barbara
Who bought a five arm candelabra
She bounced on each stick
Like it was a hard dick
Then she kicked back and lit up a Marlboro

There once was a hairdresser named Dotti
Who hooked up with Mr. Pavarotti
But he had an infection
That lived in his erection
That made her snatch red, sore and spotty

There once was a man from Kentucky
With the ladies he was rather unlucky
So he swam freestyle
To the tropical Isle
Where for five bucks you can get sucky-sucky

There once was a student named Minnie
Who wanted to get nice n’ skinny
So she quit academia
And took up bulimia
Now she looks hot in that red bikini

There once was a chap from Munich
Who wore nothing but a tunic
He was walkin’ down the road
When up hopped a hungry toad
And with a chomp turned him into a eunuch

There once was a church congregation
Who had a bad case of constipation
They cried in the pews
'Cos they had concrete poos
That were resistant to colonic irrigation

Then up jumped a man from Nth. Korea
Who came up with a clever idea
He made everyone eat
Two week old raw meat
And they all came down with diarrhea