Thirteen Old Grannies

There was an old granny named Fay
Who sat on a porcelain bidet
She thought it felt great
To get splashed on the date
That she sat on that fountain all day


There was an old granny named Gertrude
Who claimed to be nothing but a prude
Though when alone she would look
At her fifty shades book
And finger fuck herself in the nude


There was an old granny named Kate
Who was six decades past her used-by date
She'd stretch back her face skin
'Til her tits were on her chin
Then she'd claim that she was twenty-eight


There was an old granny named Myrtle
Who was hagged and mean and infertile
She squatted down for a leak
Over a brown, murky creek
But got bit on the clit by a turtle


There was an old granny named Edith
Who said “Besides Jesus, there's nothing I needeth”
When they switched off her air
She gasped “Hey, that's not fair
Turn my oxygen back on ...I pleadeth!”


There was a old granny named Erma
Who wanted to make her saggy arse firmer
So she pumped formaldehyde
Into her backside
But she died. .....‘Spose that’ll learn her


There was an old granny named Ruth
Who went looking for the fountain of youth
She climbed each and every stair
But all she found up there
Was a porn mag in a dark jack-off booth


There was a old granny named Alberta
Who believed that nothing could divert her
Away from being a nun
'Til she discovered how fun
It was to be a live-steam porn squirter


There was an old granny named Ida
Who wanted to make her slack pussy tighter
So she stitched up her minge
'Til it gaped but an inch
So 'twas snug when her gigolo came inside her


There was an old granny named Betty
Who had a face like a pan of spaghetti
When she traveled to Tibet
This has-been suffragette
Got raped by a large, well-hung yeti


There was a old granny named Hermione
Who’d please herself with a stick of baloney
Then that stupid old bitch
Put it in her hubby's sandwich
So he divorced her with no alimony


There was an old granny named Muriel
Who was deemed to be a witch by the curial
So they chained her to a rock
In a gents toilet block
Where they lined up to use her as a urinal


There was an old granny named Ethyl
Who breathed in a bong of Dimethyl-
Tryptamine smoke
For a bit of a joke
But she wasn't laughing when she was met by death-el