Tinder Date

I took a tinder date out for some grub
Down at this new gastro pub
She laughed at my jokes as we drank beer
Then she whispered deep into my ear

“Okay big boy I’m ready to roll”
So out the front door we did stroll
Through the back streets to my pad
I was thinking to myself “I’m a lucky lad”

We get inside, she flops on the couch
Then pulls out her tobacco pouch
She rolls a smoke and lights it up
As I pour some vodka into a cup

I give it to her and the booze is flowing
That's when I notice a bulge in her crotch growing
“WTF!!?” my brain thought
But she caught me staring and yelled “What?!”

“Oh, ah, sorry lady, I didn’t know you were a dude”
“Excuse me” she said “That's incredibly rude
I suppose you think you've brought home a tranny
But actually I've just got a really big fanny"

“A really big fanny?” I said not believing her
“That’s correct” she replied “Like to see it sir?”
“Yeah okay” said I “Go on, give us a look”
So she pulled down her pants and the whole apartment shook

When her two beefy flaps fell down to the rug
They wrinkled in rolls like the face of a pug
I felt the cock in my jeans almost splooge
When she opened her lips to reveal a hole so huge

And oh how it gaped like an open cut mine
But it smelt fine, mmmmmm fresh pine
As I stared into the space she blew me a smooch
I'd never seen such an enormous cooch!

“That is one big vagina” I casually remarked
“And guess what” she said “It’s where my car’s parked”
I laughed out loud and said “That’s really wide”
She said “Yeah, the last guy I fucked got lost inside”

I laughed again but she said “No joke”
Then out of her cunt stepped a confused looking bloke
He was naked and shaking and covered in cum
If you were in my position....

.....what would've you done?